I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
