Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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