I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
