He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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