i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
