This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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