yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
