Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
