Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
