dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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