I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
