ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
