I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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