2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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