that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
You don't make any sense
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