I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
