Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
