I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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