took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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