He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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