Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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