Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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