you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
