Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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