Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
