I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
