how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
