i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Im just a social blackout drinker.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
