one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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