Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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