The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
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