The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
