if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
