I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
