how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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