It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
