I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
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