my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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