Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He better not be in your backpack
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
