he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
