If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I think I have vodka in my lungs
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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