Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I love you. Go after that dick
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
