I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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