All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
