When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
im calling her cock vulture from now on
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
