so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
