woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
As shirtless as possible
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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