it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
