Your tits are I can't wait for
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
