how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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