Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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