she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
